Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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