oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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