As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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