Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
