I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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