Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
