so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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