I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
