Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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