why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
