In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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