I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
