Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
