So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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