that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am naked and annoyed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize