someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
