my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I could fuck to npr.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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