yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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