I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
