New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.