Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
