you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.