I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize