Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
