I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
