It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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