Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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