Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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