It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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