M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
