so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
