just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize