we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
