I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
