sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
