I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
