i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize