I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize