why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
