goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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