You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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