So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
