you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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