pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
