In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
