apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
