sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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