i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
