Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm always down for nudity.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
