why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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