On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
