This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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