Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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