He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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