My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he told me I talked like a deaf person
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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