his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
