I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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