Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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