If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
