just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
