You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.