I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.