Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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