good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
