man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
