I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
