And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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