another moral hangover. fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
