I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
